The End of Africa

Well, not literally of course.

It is merely the end of my 10 week sojourn through 7 Southern African countries. But that isn't such a dramatic and attention-grabbing title for a blog, is it? Bit of a mouthful too.

The 10 weeks have absolutely flown by. Here are some of the highlights:

• Shark Diving - I was a bit cagey about it at first. In the end, it was totally Jawesome.

• Coffee Bay - I had a latte fun here. 

• Walking with lions - It was a once in a lifetime experience. I did it twice.

• The Apartheid Museum in Johannesburg - It made things so clear for me. So black and white. 

• The Bungy Jump - It had its ups and downs.

Of course, there have been a lot more highlights. They were just a tad harder to think cheap jokes up about.

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And so tomorrow I fly to Asia. To Thailand. To Bangkok.

A whole different continent, with different people, different cultures, and most importantly: different approaches to the art of making chocolate muffins.

I can almost hear your fears now. You're thinking: "Oh please Jonny, do not let your journey to new, foreign lands affect the way in which you enrich our lives with stories and countless mildly humourous anecdotes." "We can not live without your poor puns and cheap one-liners."

Do not fear. Leaving Africa will not signal an end to the low quality humour that emanates from this blog. The jokes will continue to ooze out of the blog like toxic sludge oozes out of Hungary. I'd say they are equally well recieved and appreciated.

So bring it on Asia! I am ready to take whatever you throw at me and I will bat it straight back.

Except malaria. There's no batting back malaria.

So, until my first Asian blog... Noodles!

Sorry, Toodles!

Lots of love,

Jonny x x x

The Weird and Wonderful People I Have Met Travelling

Hello beautiful people.

It has been almost two weeks since we last spoke. Two weeks! Can you believe that? You must be craving your blog fix, so grab yourself a cup of tea, settle down and enjoy...

The last few places that I have visited have generally been beach towns and thus the amount of amount of extreme activities that could inspire a humorous blog have been rather limited. Thus for this post, I thought I would approach it from a different angle and describe to you some of the weird and wonderful people I have met travelling so far.

Wayne, the American Psycho

Whilst waiting for the Baz Bus from Plettenburg Bay to Port Elizabeth I got chatting to an American guy. The bus was late and so this seemed like a valid way to pass the time. Oh, how naive I was. Wayne seemed incredibly normal. He was from Seattle, he used to work for Panasonic, and now was travelling around South Africa for just a few weeks. I asked him what he did for a living, and he said "I write." "Oh" I said, "What about?". "THE END OF THE WORLD". 

The next half an hour consisted of him describing to me his theory about how we are all the same people and that the concept of having different nations divided us and was the cause of all wars. Two pages of my journal are now full of his scribblings explaining this. He also told me that he now lives in Columbia, and when I asked why, he mysteriously said "...its related."

I actually saw him on the bus again yesterday. This time I kept the questions to a minimum.

Neil (Behind the Wheel)

Neil is a Baz Bus driver who I had three, possibly four times. He was a great driver and a funny guy who enjoyed the odd practical joke. On my last journey with him, I was the only one on the bus and sat up front with him. We had a good old chin-wag, in which he explained how he used to be in a gang in Cape Town. Fair enough. He also told me how he once drove straight into a sign post. It was at that point that I put my seat belt on.

Lucky - The Unlucky South African 

In my dorm room in Port Elizabeth, I had just lay down in bed when Lucky, a 20 something South African stumbled in through the door, reeking of weed. Once again I made the mistake of asking him what he does for a living. What ensued was a 20 minute demonstration of his "art" which really just consists of juggling one stick by holding two other sticks. In the first few minutes he dropped the stick several times - he really wasn't very good. Despite this he seemed enthusiastic about his skill and he showed me pictures of his time on South Africa's Got Talent. Apparently, he went out in the third round. Not so Lucky then.

Peter- The Old Belgian Wizard

Ok, so he wasnt really a wizard. Peter just looked like one. He had long white hair and an even longer white beard. Honestly, when I walked into my dorm in Coffee Bay, I could have sworn it was Gandolf.

Peter was in his late 50s and had been smoking for 35 years. He was now trying to quit smoking. His solution to quitting? Using "special herbs" because they apparently help to clear your lungs. Right. Maybe they were magic herbs from middle earth. Maybe it was just weed. 

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Asides from meeting all of these special people, I have actually done a couple of things since the last blog. Here's a quick summary:

• Played beach volleyball in Cintsa. In the intervals, free wine was provided. I found that the correlation between wine drunk and the standard of play was, in fact, a positive one.

• In Coffee Bay, I had my first surf lesson. By the end of the lesson I was standing on the board and was practically a professional. Now all I need is a shell necklace and some long blonde locks. Just call me Chad.

• Also in Coffee Bay, I ate with and danced with locals in their village. We also went cliff jumping. Just call me Cliff?

• Hiked to Hole in the Wall. It, quite literally is a hole in a rather big wall. The highlight of that day was rewarding myself after the hike with a large chocolate muffin. That leads me nicely on to the mission updates...

Mission 1: The muffin after Hole in the Wall was good, but its lack of chocolate chip chunks seriously let it down. I am still searching for the best muffin in Africa. There was an incident with a chocolate rice krispy cake, but that is best not talked about.

Mission 2: No more shower gels have been donated to hostel bathrooms. I'm sorry Africa, I feel like i'm letting you down.


Until next time....

Lots of love to all,

Jonny x x x